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SAMPLES

The Wittery Blog is probably the best place to see some of The Wittery Writers' talents in action. We've included some extra bits here in the "Samples" section just for you.

WITLETS:

Witlets from Witty Writers (perfect for your witty tweets, witty status updates and your other witty short content needs. For a meatier sample, move on down below):

I consider myself pansexual. I have a real thing about skillets.

Match.com is urgently reviewing its fire safety procedures after a surge in memberships from lonely pyromaniacs.

You know you're in touch with your inner child when it asks "Are we nearly there yet?"

I love credit crunches. They're great tasting and full of essential vitamins, minerals and fiber.

(There's an App for that News): Sales skyrocket for new App that translates Cyber Flirt Speak into THE TRUTH. Now we all know that "Stockings and Stilettos" means "Coffee-stained dressing gown and slippers".

BIGLETS:

(The following piece was crafted by a Wittery Writer to inspire you to use Witty Content for your business. Whether you sell houses, high-tech, hotel rooms, hamburgers, hairstyles, hearse rides, holistic healing or *[insert any other product/service here], you too could use a piece like this to reach your customers and deliver the "Trust Me" Message):

The Dodgy Real Estate Agent

Below are ten telltale signs your real estate agent is dodgy. For each scenario, give yourself the correlating number of Dodgy Agent Points, then add up your total point to see the dodgy level of your agent.

The directions she provided to her office say "The corner of Fifth and Main", but there's nothing there but a panel van with her name spray-painted on the side. Earn five dodgy real estate agent points.
Legal issues prevent him from showing your home because it is within 200 yards of a school. The same applies if all his listings, by necessity, fall within the radius of his house arrest ankle bracelet. Earn 75 dodgy agent points for each scenario.
She hosts a BYOB open house. Every seller hopes for a lively turnout, but if your agent is more focused on the open bottle than the open house, it's time to rescind your listing agreement. Give yourself five points for each bottle uncorked.
He requests your earnest money check be made out to "CASH". There's a reason real estate transaction funds are held in trust: clients must be able to "trust" the money will be accounted for appropriately. Add 20 dodgy real estate agent points, plus another ten for forecasted losses.
She knows where to get furniture that "fell off a truck". A few pieces of inexpensive, but attractive, furniture can go a long way in staging your home, but the last thing you need to worry about is finding a horse's head in your bed. Give yourself ten points for the referral. Add another 50 if you own a racehorse.
He points out your sunbathing neighbor's "natural landscaping" or describes the corner study that overlooks the lake and faces your female neighbor's bedroom as "a room with two views". Chalk up five points for every prospective buyer he nudges and winks at while uttering either of the above phrases.
She's 63 years old and still using her high school graduation picture on her business cards. Tally five dodgy agent points. Add an extra ten if said agent dons gold lamé hot pants and a tube top to greet prospective buyers. There's a lot to be said for accepting reality in realty.
He knows some guys in Tijuana that can fix your roof for half the standard price. Cash only, of course, Sure, the new roof may justify a higher asking price, but will it pay for your legal defense in the event of alien smuggling charges? Add 30 points to your score.
You return from work to find her in your hot tub. While this is a paltry 5 points, earn 25 bonus dodgy points if she's with your husband.
Your listing agreement starts with "The Seller, herein referred to as "Sucker..." Give yourself 100 points, unless your name is actually "Sucker". In that case, award yourself 3 points for your unfortunate family tree.

Scoring:

0 - 4 Points: Delightfully Dodge-less

Your agent is squeaky clean, a shining example of competence and virtue. Consider throwing in an extra percentage point on his commission.

5 - 29 Points: Dodger in Training

This agent may have redeeming qualities, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to lose her business card.

30 - 99 Points: Middleweight Dodger

The rules of business and society don't mean much to this agent. A good rule of thumb is: don't do business with anyone you'd rather not be seen in public with.

100 Points or more: Professional Dodger

Walk into the nearest courthouse and obtain an order of protection. Actually, don't walk. Run.

Christina-Marie Wright is a former First Lady of Washington REALTORS® who has rubbed elbows and slept with some of the best in the business (her husband, you naughty thing! Get your mind out of the gutter!). Wright is the author of The Gonzo Mama newspaper column, blogs at TheGonzoMama.com and is the publisher of Gonzo Parenting Zine (GonzoParentingZine.com).

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